Where do I start?

My fellow contributor and London friend (this is funny to me because we actually went to high school together) has suggested I start writing this blog to help me with what I am going through.  That I need to just start writing.

So here goes...

I knew my return back to California was always going to be difficult. In the past 18 years I have lived in California at most 18 months, and even this was a very long time ago. I don't think I really thought I would ever return.  And if I'm honest that is probably why it has taken me so long to start writing.  I now have to admit that I am no longer just on holiday, visiting my family, but I actually live here (well for now).

A few years ago I heard from an old college friend of mine.  The first thing she said to me was, 'we always knew you would be living elsewhere.'  I hadn't considered this much at the time, but I have to say that in the last 20 years I have pushed myself further and further away from California.  I didn't have a reason other than I felt the need to live in different places, to experience what's out there.  So much so my mother used to always tell me, 'the next time you move, live somewhere interesting so we can come visit.'  I loved my life, I loved living that life of having few belongings and being able to relocate quite easily.

Then... I moved to London for graduate school, and also a guy, and I fell in love with the city, the people, the food believe it or not, and British culture.  It felt like home.  Finally, I felt like I became who I was meant to be.  It sounds so cliche but I suppose it's true, I finally had the space to explore who I was and what I wanted out of life.

And now I am back... in California...

I do feel lost, things are so different here compared to the UK.  And now for the first time in my life I am not sure what is going to happen.  But as many of my friends have said change is good and not to fight it... Yeah OK, I will try but goodness, does adjusting back to US life have to be so hard?!  So for now I am trying to carry on... to keep my chin up and smile... and to allow myself a little time to figure out what is next. 

Surely, this is enough for tonight I think.  I have finally started writing and you know what?  I actually do feel a little better. Wonder what tomorrow will bring?